again

I spent another week, up until last Friday night, in a psychiatric ward again. I was suicidal again, but it turns out this time it was because of a reaction to meds. The meds they put me on the last time had a reverse effect and made me extremely depressed.

Things are better now. I am on less meds and doing well. I'm still trying to get back into the swing of things, but it's coming back slowly. There is no need to rush myself.

I am still fighting with my U of P financial situation. All I can do is sit back and hope something breaks somewhere. I'm doing all that I can and can't let it get to me as much as it was.

I think what I need to do now is start doing more of my Business Management course. I haven't worked on it in a long time. I was waiting for results of tests, but I guess they've all come back. I haven't heard anything from them otherwise.

I am also trying to refocus on my writing. I need to do more reviewing as well, but that's always been a problem for me.

The Higher Powers give us time on our hands for a reason. I think this is my time to start straightening my life out and making amends in it.

Let's hope that I am able to do it.

I will be starting the Axia classes at University of Phoenix beginning August 16. I will be taking two courses at once for 9 weeks at a time. There will be no learning teams, so this should be a lot easier.

I am considering changing schools after I get my Associate's. I really don't like the Learning Teams, and if I was to go on to my Bachelor's through U of P I would have to deal with that. I will probably start checking into other schools in 2012 just before I complete my Associate's.

Next month I will have six months clean. I am looking forward to it, even though they say that all we have is today and tomorrow is not promised. I know that I will make it. The only thing that will stop me is death. I am determined to stay clean this time and I am working the steps. I also love my new life and my conscious contact with my personal Higher Power. I'm not going to throw it all away for a drink or a drug.

I still haven't heard from my Business Management course. I may start the next chapter without hearing from them if I get the time and the inclination. I know I can't keep putting it off until the once a month that I go to all day program.

I finished the crocheted blanket for the little girl of a friend and gave it to him last night. He was very appreciative. I have another one I'm going to work on now for an adult friend as a gift for his new apartment. It's fun to have a purpose for the blankets before I start on them. I also spent all day Thursday embroidering another pillow case. It's alot cooler when I work on embroidery as I can see for sure the progress I am making. It's shaping up really nice.
I have a quilt to embroider that I might work on for my sponsor for Christmas.

I have been cutting out pictures of stuff that Bradford Exchange has been sending me in advertisements and catalogs. Why order the stuff that looks so cool when I can just cut out the pictures and use it for wall paper for my office? It's turning out really neat. I have Thomas Kincade stuff by my calendar and several artists' native american art on another wall. The small stuff I'm cutting out of the catalogs is going on a wall surrounding my unicorn mirror. It all looks really nice.

Going to the NA Area Meeting on Sunday. I want to get involved in taking NA meetings into hospitals and institutions. They said last night that, because it is a new area, they may not have that going yet. Well, I'll just keep going to area meetings and bug them about it until they do.

I think that's enough for today. Otherwise I won't have nothing to say the next time my email starts bugging me to update my blog.

in pain

Remember when I tried to throw my Maddie dog in the hot tub? Well I think she injured my hip. I have been in so much pain with it for the past two weeks that I want to cry. I haven't even been able to sit up long enough to play my Facebook apps, and on Tuesday I had to have Bob come pick me up early from all day group.

I have a persuasive essay on a specific subject to write for U of P this week. I also have to put together the essay that my Learning Team has to turn in this week, and there are grammar quizzes again this week. I haven't done any of it and it is already Thursday and I think the persuasive essay is due today. Oh well. I'll get to it sooner or later, and an accomodation I have is to be able to turn in my assignments late. Thank goodness for small favors.

I did redo the one exam for Business Management and did the next exam. Figured out that I read the wrong chapter for the first exam, that's why I failed it. Oh well. This time I paid more attention to the assignment.

I haven't been working on my crafts since I have been hurting either. I just can't stand to sit upright for any length of time. I am even using my cane to walk.

I am going out to lunch with my Social Worker today. That should be interesting.

Not much else going on.

same old, same old

I haven't updated my blog lately as there really hasn't been much that has changed.

University of Phoenix Online has me running in circles. With going online I have to check in four days a week twice a day to get my participation grade. I also, with U of P Online, have a Learning Team Assignment this week. After this course, though, I am transferring to the Axia Online and will be taking two courses at a time for nine weeks but there will be no Learning Teams. I think I will do okay despite taking two classes at a time, and instead of it taking ten weeks to get six credits it will only take nine. That doesn't cut off much time but every little bit helps, right? The only other thing that kind of sucks about Axia is I can only go as high as an Associates through Axia. To get my Bachelor's and Master's that I want I will have to go back to campus or U of P online.

I haven't touched my Business Management course much. I did do the first Exam for Section Two of Part Two a few weeks ago, but I haven't touched it since. I really need to get more motivated on it.

I haven't been going to NA meetings as much as I should. I hope to change that in the coming week. Nothing else is going to keep going right in my life if I don't stay clean. I really am not supposed to talk about being an NA member in this type of setting as you may judge NA based on my actions. Know that I am not the poster child for NA, no member is, so please do not judge it based on one member.

I haven't been writing or reading about any of the stuff for the workbooks I am writing. Sadly my writing has taken a back burner to other obligations. I hope to change that in the future, but for now life has it put back there. I can do nothing but try to jot down ideas as they come for future reference.

Here's to hoping I can get my priorities back in order in the near future.

half stressing

I was so stressed out yesterday I wanted to go find a crack rock. I know that's not going to help me deal with school, but it is really stressing me out. With six chapters to read this week, along with five quizzes and a paper, plus a Learning Team paper, I don't know which way is up.

Having had this almost uncontrollable craving, I think I need to go to more meetings. There are other things I wish I could spend my time doing, but my recovery needs to come first otherwise everything else will just fall to pieces. I just wish I didn't feel like such a burden to Bob. He's the one that has to drive me all over hecks creation to get to the meetings.

Maddie ran off today. We have decided we have two choices: We can just let her run the neighborhood at will like most of the other dogs around, or we can put up a running cable outside the back door that she can be hooked to. We don't really need to keep the other dogs away from her saying that she is fixed. The only thing we would have to worry about is if other dogs are agressive. Of course, Maddie is a chicken and would readily submit to them, so I don't think we really have to worry about that.

I moved my computer back into my office and on the big desk. It was stressing me out a lot to not have a place where I could go and stretch out and relax where Bob isn't (hence why I couldn't use the living room). I'm keeping the small desk in there and will use it for offline endeavours. I need someplace I can go and not look at the computer thinking I should really be working on schoolwork or reviewing on WdC.

Hopefully things will get better now. I was waiting for my grade from the first week to see how bad I was doing and I got 100% for the first week, so that took

back in school

I started University of Phoenix back up yesterday. It's harder than I thought it was going to be, but I am taking it all in stride. It feels good to feel like I am doing something to improve my life again.

Now that I am taking classes online I have more obligation to check in. In order to get my participation grade I have to post at least four days a week. It's going to be interesting to see how I work that out.

Not to say that NA is not improving my life. I have a better contact with my personal Higher Powers since I started 86 days ago. I have more focus and more drive as well. I wouldn't have what I have today if I hadn't stopped using.

I don't know about anything else. I went to all day group on Monday and did get some things done, but I don't know that I will take the time to do that again any time soon. I want to get back into the swing of things with school first.

I hope to still have time for Business Management and crafts. I went through my craft books the other day and found a bunch of neat projects that I would like to try. I also want to keep up with my course.

Hopefully things will all work out and continue to keep looking up.

no yapping beanie baby

I got a dog on Sunday. Maddie is a retriever/collie mix, white with brown spots, lazy, timid and shy. She is 6 yrs old, and spends most of her time in the bed we got her in our bedroom. I already love her so much.

University of Phoenix still has me tied up in red tape so I haven't started back yet.

I don't know what is going on with my computer, but I can no longer access my favorites under this new system. It really sucks.

I finally did a chapter of my Business Management course yesterday as I went to all day group. I also finished my Step Three for NA and did some embroidery. I am almost done with the pillow case I am embroidering. All in all I guess it was a good day yesterday.

That's about all that is going on for now.